The one i used to be
by SleepwalkerInStrangeLands
Summary: Lucifer is out there and his plan to destroy humanity is delayed. And because of the infamous blue eyed angel? Will Castiel's compassion, make this mask of the hollow monster he wears, break to pieces? Or is there more? Secrets will be soon revealed about angelic pasts. AU Casifer!


Castiel POV

''No job.. at all.. nothing.. ? '' I watched Dean, asking his younger brother, his eyebrows arched, in surprised.  
''Like.. at all? So we can just.. sit and do nothing?''  
He seemed excited about it. I found it hard to understand why. Sit and do nothing. Didnt sound exciting to me, not at all. I'd choose fighting over that, anytime.

Sam mumbled something about going to the local library. He seemed as annoyed as i was. I managed a smile as he nodded at me, his way of quietly saying bye to me, in case i wasnt here anymore when he'd return.  
Standing awkward, as per usual, at the corner of the small room, i looked outside the window at the sky.  
My brothers were uneasy. You'd think the Winchesters should have been as well. But Dean's explanation when i asked was as simple as it could be.  
''Angels, cant find us anymore, right? So what's to worry about?''

Maybe he had a point, but i just couldnt find it in me to calm down. Since we find out that when Sam escaped the cage so did Lucifer, i couldnt stop thinking of the possibilities.  
What if my brothers followed me here? It is my responsibility to protect the Winchester, not put them in danger.

Watching Dean, relaxed like that, just drinking his beer and watching tv. I never completely understood the way he makes me feel, but i know i wish his life could be just like that, without worries.  
If i had to choose the happiest moment of my life, it would be the day Dean told me, i was part of his family. That's when i realize that i feel for Dean as i feel for my brothers in Heaven.  
No matter what, i will always stand by his side, protect him, support him. Maybe i am not welcome in Heaven, but Dean is my brother now. I smiled to myself at the thought but it seems Dean had noticed i was staring at the sky

''Stalking your brothers again? Anything interesting?'' i turned to him and approached the couch.  
''No Dean, nothing that concerns you'' i assured him and made a look around as i heard him yawn. ''I shall let you rest. I will be back in the morning..''  
''Hey.. wait, where you goin' ?'' i chuckled as Dean mumbled sleepily and picked the blanket from the edge of the couch to cover him  
''There's just something i want to do.. I will be back here in the morning..'' i explained and he nodded, already asleep before i teleport..

Lucifer POV

_''Argh..''_ i groaned to myself and rolled my eyes. _''What are you Castiel? His maid?''_ i mumbled to myself as he covered the sleeping human with a blanket.  
I've been standing out here, for hours. Castiel either had noticed me following him around, watching him for days and had decided to ignore me, or he was already weaker than i thought and needed my help soon.

His thoughts must have draw me to him, because i wasnt sure why i was following him.  
He seemed to be thinking of me and surprisingly, he was worried, or at least i thought so.  
I had to work on.. feelings. I didnt recognize them clearly yet.  
Most of his thought were around that uncivilized ape, Dean Winchester. I found myself, thanking my Father for Sam being my vessel. I could never even be close to that creature, he disgusts me. Sam is more like it.  
But most of all now, i cared about my little angel brother.

Sam wouldnt say yes to me, or at least not just yet. And it could wait.  
But my brother.. he had all those insane thoughts in his head about how to save the world.  
I never meant for my brothers to die, or fight each other like that. And Castiel.. he was far more important than he thought.  
I wouldnt let him simply like that ruin himself. Poor thing seemed to miss Heaven.

I followed him as he flew through the clouds to what i assumed was his ''secret place'' but it seemed like he was looking for a cloud that he could spend the night on. Of course. He knew i was here, how could i think he wouldnt notice.  
Certainly he wouldnt trust me to show me his special place on Earth but i didnt mind.  
I didnt expect him to suddenly trust me. But he seemed to be willing to talk to me. That for now, was enough.

Castiel POV

''Lucifer..'' I nodded, keeping my eyes forward, as he approached behind me  
''Castiel.. always so innocent, so naive. You honestly though you'd get away with this?'' i could practically ''feel'' his smirk, even if i didnt turn to look at him and he sat by me on the edge of the cloud.  
I had felt him follow me the second i left the motel room. But why, i didnt understand. He had found Sam, he would return to that room soon and i would be away. Why not stay there?

''What do you want from me brother?'' he looked at him but couldnt help my smile when i saw him relaxed, staring at the stars. Reminded me of the old days. When we were kids. I shook my head and looked down, ashamed of myself. No, i wouldnt forgive him. I wont.

''You are still calling me brother.. Thank you..'' the devil smiled at me and i chuckled

''I thought you didnt know the meaning of this word Lucifer. Have you thanked anyone before?''

''No.. i have not. But i am learning. Wont you congratulate me lil brother?''

''What do you want?''

''To save you..''

''Save me? You are the one that needs to be saved Lucifer..'' i groaned annoyed ''I wont play your games. What do you want?''

''If you hate me so much, why do you still sit here with me..''  
I turned to look at him, straight into his eyes, i was full of anger but repeating his question in my head what i realized was that hurt me the most and not his words.

''I cant kill you..'' i mumbled, hoping he'd let it go

''Leave...''

i simply stared at him. Why didnt i? Why was i forgiving him? I didnt have an answer, and simply stared at him, feeling lost.

''Because you remember who i used to be..'' he answered my own questions, reading my mind and before i know it, i let my walls down, i let him see my smile, i let my body lean to him, my head resting to his shoulder.  
Like when we were kids. My big brother, always standing up for me, taking care of me. The i know he can be..


End file.
